From our newsletter Emotional Wellness Matters,
(found on the newsletter) *This newsletter is intended to offer information only and recognizes that individual issues may differ from those broad guidelines. Personal issues should be addressed  within a therapeutic context with a professional familiar with the details of the problem. Copyright 2018 Simmonds Publications: 550 La Jolla Blvd., 306, La Jolla, CA 92037

Engaging in Simple Healthy Pleasures Can Restore Balance to our Hectic Lives

Pleasure guides us to better health. When experiences are enjoyable, we want more of them. Our bodies tell us that sleep, reproduction, eating, companionship, and exercise- to name just a few of our more common daily activities- are enjoyable. Our survival depends on engaging in these activities. The brain has several pleasure centers which are activated  by chemicals which speed satisfying sensations from one nerve to the next. Children the world over, when they are left alone to do what they choose, engage in endless hours of play. They pursue fun. Childhood may be the time in life when our brains are trained to experience pleasure. If we accomplish this task well as children, we may have healthier lives as adults- as long as we don’t lose the ability to play that we acquired in childhood.

Think about what children do when they play. They lose themselves in the pleasure of the moment. We have all observed children at play. They glow with pleasure- they shout, smile, and move their bodies. Engrossed in their world of play, they are aware of neither the past nor the future. There is only the moment. As adults, we also need this ability to shift our awareness from rational and logical concerns to a level which is freer and centered on the moment. People who can shift appropriately between the “there and then” to the “here and now” are good at reality testing and adapting to the demands of the world. They can draw on both their thought processes and their ability to take effective action. What would happen if these behaviors were not pleasurable? Eating would disappear and sleep would vanish. We would no longer survive.

Balance is the key to understanding the role of having fun vs. meeting real-world obligations in our lives.

A good argument has its upside- but only if we fight fairly.

All couples argue. This is a normal and expected part of any relationship. Of course, some relationship experts say that arguing is healthy, while others say beware. While an occasional argument might be unavoidable and can even ultimately clarify boundaries within the relationship, a pattern of habitual fighting left unchecked puts the relationship at risk.

Granted, when couples first meet, they my experience no conflict. This is the infatuation stage of any relationship when both people may feel they have met the perfect partner, and happiness reigns supreme. But as time goes by any relationship is molded not only by the similarities between the partners but also by the differences that that bring interest, mystery, and complexity to the relationship. A healthy argument can clarify each partner’s needs and allow each to maintain a sense of personal integrity within the relationship. Each person can hold on to the qualities that made him or her attractive to the other in the first place. The difference between a happy and an unhappy relationship is often due to how the partners argue.

Some people avoid arguments out of apprehension that their underlying anger, which can get triggered during an argument, will go out of control. Others find it difficult to argue since they feel inadequate within the relationship. Some people were exposed to bitter arguments during childhood and they don’t want to repeat the pattern of their unhappy parents during their own adulthood. When people just hate to argue, for whatever reason, they frequently make up prematurely without resolving the issue in order to avoid conflict. Or they may resort to fighting unfairly to gain power over their partner instead of coming to a compromise and strengthening their commitment to the relationship.

* Excerpts of this blog are from our Emotional Wellness Matters Newsletter