*This newsletter is intended to offer information only and recognizes that individual issues may differ from those broad guidelines. Personal issues should be addressed within a therapeutic context with a professional familiar with the details of the problem. Copyright 2018 Simmonds Publications: 550 La Jolla Blvd., 306, La Jolla, CA 92037
Most of us build our lives around the belief that we will be relatively safe. Granted, normal daily life involved many stressors, especially in these hectic times, but we expect these pressures to happen, and we become accustomed to handling them. The more flexible we are and the more we know ourselves in are in touch with our abilities, the easier it is to deal with normal everyday stress.

Sometimes, however, any of us could be subjected to catastrophic stress. Our feeling of safety in these circumstances can vanish. We could experience terror and a complete inability to know how to handle these situations that are outside of the ordinary realm of experience. These catastrophic events can include rape, physical attack, mugging, carjacking, natural disasters (earthquakes, hurricanes, tornadoes, floods, etc.), fires, car accidents, plane crashes, and so much more. It is not only the victims of these events, but also witnesses, families of victims, and helping professionals who can develop severe stress symptoms that can last for months or even years after the event.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is the term used to characterize people who have endured highly stressful and frightening experiences and who are undergoing distress caused by memories of that event. It is as if the person just cannot let go of the experience. The event comes back to haunt them. The anxiety experienced during or immediately after a catastrophic event is called traumatic stress. When the symptoms last several months after the event, it is called post-traumatic stress. PTSD can last for years after the original trauma and may not become evident initially. For example, an individual may witness a murder as a child, but not experience the associated stress until mid-life.

Some people are more likely to develop PTSD than others. Experts are not sure why some people develop PTSD after a relatively minor trauma while others exposed to great trauma do not. Those who are very young or are very old are more vulnerable. Individuals who already suffer from anxiety disorders, some personality disorders, or depression seem more likely to get PTSD after extreme trauma. It seems that the more vulnerable one feels in dealing with the world, the more likely on is to develop PTSD.

A person who has survived a traumatic event will probably never feel as if the event never happened, ut the distressing and disruptive effects of PTSD can be alleviated. In therapy, a person can learn to describe a coherent account of his or her life. People who can do this are much less susceptible to effects of the trauma. Therapists use a number of techniques to help a person work through traumatic events, some involving talking and some involving more physical interventions. Sometimes medication can help to lessen the anxiety, depression and sleep difficulties, as well as the physical symptoms, which go along with PTSD. Social agencies now use highly effective techniques, such as critical incident debriefing, to help people process their way through a trauma immediately after a disaster occurs in a community. Victims of violence are often given support to talk about the event soon after it has occurred.

This newsletter is intended to offer information only and recognizes that individual issues may differ from those broad guidelines. Personal issues should be addressed within a therapeutic context with a professional familiar with the details of the problem. Copyright 2018 Simmonds Publications: 550 La Jolla Blvd., 306, La Jolla, CA 92037

The households we grew up in can have a powerful influence on the way we deal with life as an adult- often in ways that we never stop to think about. We simply keep on living, repeating the same mistakes and enduring the same conflicts over and over again. We may wonder why the same old patterns keep repeating themselves even when we change friendships, jobs and relationships. The answer may lie in a less-than-nurturing childhood characterized by neglect and other forms of abuse.

Codependence is recognized by the destructive behaviors, attitudes, and feelings which are directly linked to the way we were brought up. Families are described as dysfunctional when the needs of the parents are so overwhelming that the task of raising children is demoted to a secondary role in the life of the family. Codependence in adulthood emerges from those dysfunctional childhood experiences.

When children lack the adequate nurturance and loving guidance they need to function as independent adults, they experience a flawed or incomplete sense of themselves- a pattern which can last throughout one’s entire life. They are prone to enmeshment with a haze sense of their own personal boundaries- they may not know where they leave off and the other person begins. They may have a need to make other people happy (a pattern they learned in dealing with their parents) and when they are not able to do this, they might feel “less than” other people. They probably see themselves as unselfish and compassionate, always there for others- but, lacking a clear sense of themselves, they may resort to the same techniques to get attention they learned in childhood. Thus, they may manipulate, control and try to change others in order to get their own needs met. When they give, it is with strings attached. Those suffering from codependence often are attracted to, and give to, people who show little real interest in them- the same pattern they experienced in childhood in dealing with an emotionally unavailable parent. Because they were not guided in childhood to learn more moderate expressions of emotion, they end up in adulthood on an emotional rollercoaster with moods ranging from extreme despair… to passive sweetness… to uncontrolled anger and anxiety… to nothing at all. Frustration comes easily and interpersonal conflicts are frequent. Their partners are blamed for not coming through at times when they should- the old themes of childhood play themselves out again.

We never completely shed those things we learned in childhood, but we can learn new ways of dealing with ourselves and the world around us. It is probably not sufficient to look on codependence as an illness which can be cured. Rather, codependence is a way of living which comes from a dysfunctional background, a background over which we had no control as we grew up. There is no shame in being codependent, and there is no virtue in blaming those who created this condition. We are all products of the places, forces and experiences which preceded our present lives. Some people have easy lives and others find living more difficult. This is simply the way of the world- and neither option is necessarily better. Those with difficult lives have the advantage of learning more adaptive living, and in this sense, they may be able to experience life more fully and completely. This can lead to integrity and wisdom.

*This newsletter is intended to offer information only and recognizes that individual issues may differ from those broad guidelines. Personal issues should be addressed within a therapeutic context with a professional familiar with the details of the problem. Copyright 2018 Simmonds Publications: 550 La Jolla Blvd., 306, La Jolla, CA 92037

Loss can be painful– but it can open the door to new, and even better, life experiences.

Loss is embedded in the process of living. It happens to everyone and it is inevitable. There is no such thing as constant gain in our lives. Despite our wish to live in the security of abundance and perfect health, we necessarily must lose something, over and over again throughout our lives. Time itself eventually creates loss. We come into this world with everything to gain and leave it with everything to lose. And in between we go through a series of gains and losses, ups and downs. Learning to accept both is a sign of wellness, maturity- even wisdom.

Losses can be catastrophic, such as the death of a partner, parent, child or close friend, or they can be minimal, such as losing a favorite houseplant or finding the first dent in your new car. Obviously, we usually accept minor losses quite well, but major losses can rule our lives for years with feelings of helplessness, confusion and overwhelming sadness. If our losses are not handled adaptively, they can drain us of energy and interfere with our ability to live fully in the present. If we are nor able to deal with our losses and then let them go, we can spend our lives under the spell of old issues and past relationships, living in the past and failing to connect with the experiences of the present.

We face our numerous losses throughout the course of our lives. Some of our losses are built into the normal developmental milestones that are an expected part of the life process. Humans feel impelled to move on, to explore, to grow. But each time we move on to a new phase of live, we must lose something of the old.

*This newsletter is intended to offer information only and recognizes that individual issues may differ from those broad guidelines. Personal issues should be addressed  within a therapeutic context with a professional familiar with the details of the problem. Copyright 2018 Simmonds Publications: 550 La Jolla Blvd., 306, La Jolla, CA 92037

When we make a commitment to our partner, our usual expectation is that our relationship will last for life and that our love will see us through the inevitable hard times. Yet, when reality sinks in, we have to acknowledge that while love is one of the components of a relationship’s longevity, it really takes more to make it through the long haul. It takes community and family support (which isn’t as available as it once was in our society) – and it takes skill. Many of us have failed to learn how to negotiate our way through relationship difficulties to build a lasting connection.

Psychologists have carried out substantial research over the past several decades trying to understand the secrets of why some couples are able to stay together and others are not. For instance, John Gottman, Ph.D., at the University of Washington, has studied over 2.000 couples, and he has had remarkable success in  predicting which couples will make it  and which  will not. Contrary to popular wisdom, one of his findings is that increased sex does not necessarily improve a relationship. He also found that financial problems do not always imply trouble for a couple.

One of Gottman’s major findings is that couples who fight are not necessarily on the road to a breakup. In fact, he makes the point that arguments may be constructive in building a long-term relationship because they help us to clarify our needs and increase mutual respect between partners. But whether the arguments will lead to a breakup or not depends on how the couple resolves the conflicts that may strengthen the relationship.

One finding to emerge from the research is that couples are likely to succeed if they have a healthy balance between positive and negative emotions and interactions. In fact, strong relationships have a five to one ratio – five parts positive interactions to one part negative. Couples who break up, on the other hand tend to have more negative than positive interactions.

*This newsletter is intended to offer information only and recognizes that individual issues may differ from those broad guidelines. Personal issues should be addressed  within a therapeutic context with a professional familiar with the details of the problem. Copyright 2018 Simmonds Publications: 550 La Jolla Blvd., 306, La Jolla, CA 92037

Most people seek a life filled with meaning, contentment, gratification, and pleasure. In moments of reflection, we may wonder what we can do to direct our lives not only away from anxiety, anger, stress and depression- but toward a state of personal fulfillment. We may realize that the typical markers of achievement in our society- a graduation, a marriage, a job promotion, the completion of a project, buying a home- don’t always bring us the happiness that we expected, and often they increase our stress levels.

Despite the fact that we are affluent by world standards, able to drive nice cars,  live in large, clean houses, and have access to entertainment media, we are subjected to high levels of stress. As a result, many of us carry with us a pervasive feeling of discontent. We pursue the next highest goal in our lives, only to find that achieving that goal does not bring the feeling of true happiness that we long for. Most of us live better than royalty did in the past, but these high standards of living have not brought us a sense of true contentment. A survey of people in nations around the globe learned that the highest levels of personal happiness were found in Nigeria, followed by Mexico. The United States came in at number 16, while Canada and most of Western Europe also scored at similar levels. 

Psychotherapy has made great strides over the past half century in understanding various forms of mental illness. We can now classify these conditions and make appropriate interventions to alleviate them though specific forms of psychotherapy and sometimes medication. Less research has been done, however in finding ways to understand how we can achieve a life filled with meaning and contentment.

We have a host of methods for treating some of the conditions associated with unhappiness- stress, anxiety, depression, anger, lack of engagement, substance abuse, poor interpersonal relationships, cognitive and emotional impairments. Now, however, psychotherapy is making similar strides in devising methods people can use to move to the next step, from unhappiness to true happiness.

*This newsletter is intended to offer information only and recognizes that individual issues may differ from those broad guidelines. Personal issues should be addressed  within a therapeutic context with a professional familiar with the details of the problem. Copyright 2018 Simmonds Publications: 550 La Jolla Blvd., 306, La Jolla, CA 92037 

Obesity is at epidemic proportions in the United States and most Westernized countries. If you are overweight, you are hardly alone, as you can see by looking around you. About two-thirds of Americans are overweight and the statistics climb by the year. Even children are now heavier than they have ever been- and this is happening during a time in our history when the thing look continues to be defined as the ideal (although this is gradually changing). Type II diabetes and hypertension (or high blood pressure) are two diseases associated with obesity, and the rates of these diseases have been increasing steadily over the years. Obesity is also lined to heart disease, stroke, and certain cancers.

The causes of obesity are easy to identify. We eat more calories than we burn off, and the excess calories are stored as body fat. In the 1960’s the average person consumed about 3,100 calories per day. And now that number has increased to 3,700 calories per day. We have easy access to fast food, sugary sodas, and restaurants have found that their sales increase when they offer excessively large servings. We eat more processed foods and fewer natural or whole foods, and this is mostly due to convenience and low prices. 

A number of psychological factors can affect our ability to maintain our weight at a healthy level over time. For example:

• When losing weight or maintaining weight loss, it is helpful to learn how to think positively by challenging negative beliefs.
• There are a number of strategies to use for coping with difficult emotions and stress rather than relying on food for emotional soothing.
• Maintaining your motivation over time to stay at a health weight is a key to long-term success.

You can work on these issues with the help of a professional therapist, and this increases your chances of keeping the weight off over time. Weight gain and the difficulty of maintaining  weight loss are associated with heredity, experiences in childhood, and family of origin influences. However, there are emotional factors associated with weight problems, and, fortunately, these issues can be addressed in therapy, in a confidential and trusting setting.

*This newsletter is intended to offer information only and recognizes that individual issues may differ from those broad guidelines. Personal issues should be addressed  within a therapeutic context with a professional familiar with the details of the problem. Copyright 2018 Simmonds Publications: 550 La Jolla Blvd., 306, La Jolla, CA 92037

The National Sleep Foundation tells us that nearly half of us don’t get enough sleep. In modern-day society, because of night work, television, computers, and the profound stress we experience in everyday life, our sleep is often disrupted. Sleep is a basic biological need, like hunger and thirst. When we don’t get enough of it, our bodies let us know that there are consequences. Sleep is a regular, natural state of rest characterized by a reduction in voluntary body movement and a decreased awareness of the surroundings. Sleep is not a state of falling completely into unconsciousness, but rather an altered state of consciousness that performs a restorative function for the brain and body.

An older view of the function of sleep suggested that sleep is a period of rest from the activity of the day. It occurs at night when we would be safer by staying out of harm’s way. We know now, however, that sleep is much more than just a period of recuperation from the energy expended during the course of the day. A great deal happens during our sleep that is vital to maintaining our healthy.

When we sleep, the brain produces enzymes that neutralize the damage done to cells by molecules called free radicals (in other words, sleep keeps our bodies younger longer). This is just one of the many processes that happen during our sleep. One recent research study, for example, success that babies learn the placement of their own limbs during their sleep. As their arms and feet twitch during sleep, the brain maps out the positioning of their limbs and forms new neural connections. Adults use the same process to maintain existing connections in their nervous systems. Other research suggests that sleep may contribute to new nerve cells in the brain.

From our newsletter Emotional Wellness Matters,
*This newsletter is intended to offer information only and recognizes that individual issues may differ from those broad guidelines. Personal issues should be addressed  within a therapeutic context with a professional familiar with the details of the problem. Copyright 2016 Simmonds Publications: 550 La Jolla Blvd., 306, La Jolla, CA 92037

One of the best tools we have for living a healthy life is our ability to think. Our world is composed of a large number of events that happen constantly. Some are positive and some are negative, and most are neutral. We interpret these events are they happen with a series of thoughts that flow continually through our minds. This process is called our internal dialogue. We constantly think about present and past events, and sometimes about things that will happen in the future. And here’s the important point-these thoughts need to be accurate. We need good reality testing in order to live effectively.

Our moods or feelings are created by the thoughts we have, and not by the actual events themselves. We need to think about events and attach a meaning to them before we experience an emotional response. People have different ways of interpreting the same event. Let’s say that our friend, Rhonda, has decided to move to a different part of the country. Some people will congratulate her for making a move that could bring her the happiness she has sought for a long time. Other people might condemn her for running away from the life she has here. Some will call her healthy. Some will call her greedy. Some will call her heartless. How we think about Rhonda will reflect our core beliefs about the world.

We define Rhonda’s actions in terms of how we personally interpret the world-and these interpretations reflect the basic assumptions we have about how the world works. Her move in itself signifies nothing until we think about it and place an interpretation or meaning on it. If we see it as a healthy move on her part, we can have a happy response. If we see her as being selfish, we might have an angry or depressed response to her move. Once we give meaning to an event, we can experience an emotional response to it. In other words, our thoughts can influence how we feel.